Some of my best friends are CPAs, although I wouldn’t want my daughter to marry one.

For generations, CPAs have had a well-deserved image of being about as exciting as Dick Cheney. The dull and boring image of America’s CPAs is probably best illustrated by the following joke that was told to me by a CPA:

Question: Do you know what an actuary is?

Answer: He’s someone who does not have the personality to be a certified public accountant.

Not very funny? Of course not. Remember, the joke was told to me by a CPA, and “funny CPA” is an oxymoron, like jumbo shrimp or working vacation or student athlete.

For years, CPAs have tried in vain to change their button-down image. A few years ago the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants hired a Boston advertising agency to produce TV and radio commercials designed to convince the American people that CPAs are really a bunch of fun-loving men and women whose idea of a good time does not involve spreadsheets and IRS Form 1040As. The TV commercials featured young, hip CPAs screaming, “Whassup?!”

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants wanted to change the image of America’s CPA. I for one want my CPA to be a boring guy. I want him to look just like Ward Cleaver. I want him to listen to old Lawrence Welk records while he prepares my tax returns or financial statements for my office.

Who wants a wild and crazy CPA, anyway? Do you really want your tax return prepared by some guy who wears an earring and sports a tattoo that reads, “Born to Audit!”?

Do you really want your 401(k) managed by some gal wearing blue jeans and a tank top that reads, “CPAs Never Lose Their Balance!”?

But here’s some good news for CPAs who want to shed their Bob Newhart image. Thanks to the Enron scandal, America’s CPAs may soon enter an exciting new era. Indeed, the Enron scandal may be for CPAs what the Watergate scandal was for us lawyers.

Prior to the Watergate scandal nearly 30 years ago, we lawyers were highly respected. Consequently, we were also boring.

You didn’t see many lawyers on TV or in movies prior to Watergate. And the few Hollywood lawyers you did see in those days were honorable and respected men like Perry Mason, Hamilton Burger or Atticus Finch.

But then came Watergate, an era when the attorney general of the United States led a procession of lawyers to prison, not as a prosecutor, but as a fellow inmate! Suddenly we lawyers were no longer respected and boring. We became bad guys, and consequently, we also became the source of endless fascination by the American public.

In the post-Watergate era, the legal profession has taken over every aspect of American life, even entertainment. Indeed, lawyers have become Hollywood’s biggest stars, and litigation has replaced baseball as America’s national pastime.

It’s been, Move over, Perry Mason! Make way for Ally McBeal! Good-bye, Earl Warren! Hello, Judge Judy!

In the post-Watergate era, we lawyers have even taken over America’s book stores. As you read these words, millions of Americans are flocking to Books ‘R’ Us to buy a copy of John Grisham’s latest legal thriller, “The Runaway Jury that Escapes to the Caribbean” with Tom Cruise and Julia Roberts. Grisham is, of course, the former Mississippi trial lawyer who perennially sits atop the best-seller list with such lawyer-saturated novels as “The Firm,” “The Client,” “The Pelican Brief,” “The Pelican Boxer Shorts,” and my personal favorite, “The Honest Young Lawyer Who Beats the Huge Corrupt Law Firm that Is Controlled by the Mafia.”

But now that one of America’s biggest CPA firms, Arthur Andersen, has become involved in the Enron scandal, accountants may soon join lawyers on the public’s list of bad guys. And take it from me, this will be the greatest thing ever to happen to CPAs.

In the post-Enron era, Hollywood will soon produce movies and TV shows about ruthless, sexy accountants. In fact, NBC is already working on its new prime-time series, “L.A. Accounting.” It will be the compelling story of vicious CPAs who recklessly audit their clients and then make love to them.

John Grisham is reportedly working on a new novel, “The Runaway Audit,” the story of Chatsworth Harrington III, a young Houston CPA who fearlessly shreds millions of client financial records in the face of a congressional investigation.

Julia Roberts is already cast in the lead role in the upcoming blockbuster motion picture, “Pretty CPA,” co-starring Jon Voight as Arthur Andersen.

And finally, unreliable sources report that Johnnie Cochran is considering sitting for the CPA exam, in the hopes of someday being the star of a nationally-televised audit. He’s ready to put on his knit cap, and he’s desperately trying to come up with a word that rhymes with “balance,” as in, “If it doesn’t balance, you must … ”

This will be a tall order. He’ll probably just go with, “If your client is in the red, you’ve got to shred!”

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Bill Haltom, who has a lot to account for, works as a partner with the Memphis firm of Thomason, Hendrix, Harvey, Johnson & Mitchell and is immediate past president of the Memphis Bar Association.