In most cases where the custody of children is involved, the court provides that one parent has custody and the other parent has rights of reasonable visitation. If you are awarded custody, you are called the custodial parent, and the other parent is call the noncustodial parent. In cases where the court simply awards reasonable visitation, you and your ex-spouse work out satisfactory visitation arrangements. As the custodial parent, you decide whether or not the request for visitation is reasonable. Some cases are simple. You do not have to permit visitation every day, at two in the morning, or when the other parent is intoxicated, under the influence of drugs, or doing something that would be harmful to the children. At the other extreme, it is unreasonable for you to deny visitation because you have hard feelings against the noncustodial parent; you plan activities which conflict with the other parent's visitation time; or the other parent is behind in child support payments.

If you and your ex-spouse cannot agree on visitation, the court imposes a schedule that you must follow. A common practice is for the court to provide for visitation with the noncustodial parent every other weekend from 6:00 p.m. on Friday to 6:00 p.m. on Sunday. The court may also schedule visitation during vacations and holidays such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, Father's Day, and Mother's Day. Of course, special circumstances create special schedules. Family traditions on holidays should be honored by both parents.

What happens if you don't live up to the visitation schedule? No one can force parents to visit their children, but the court can require you to permit the visitation.

Unless there is a serious reason such as a real danger to the health or welfare of the children, the excuse that the children do not want to visit is not a valid reason to refuse visitation. It is not the child's choice, and you should do everything to encourage visitation, despite your personal feelings about the other parent.

Another excuse for denying visitation is that the children are upset when they return from visiting. A change in routine will normally produce some changes in a child's behavior. Again, unless there is a substantial threat to their health or welfare, visitation must follow the court's order.

The whole idea of visitation is to make children realize that they have two parents and that both parents, despite their personal differences, are entitled to love and to be loved in return. In addition, visitation maintains the bond between the noncustodial parent and the children even though the matrimonial bond has been broken by divorce.

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