Toys ‘R’ Bankrupt

On Sept. 18, Toys “R” Us, one of America’s leading toy retailers, filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy in the United States Bankruptcy Court in Richmond, Virginia.

I feel real guilty about it, because I believe it’s my fault. For many years I kept Toys “R” Gonna Cost You a Fortune in business. This was back in the era when I had three small children, and on Christmas Eve, for me the three most dreaded words in the English language were “some assembly required.”

Over the years, I made many holiday visits to Toys “R” Gonna Be Impossible to Put Together at 3 a.m. on Christmas morning, where I purchased an endless supply of Barbies, American Girl dolls, Tickle Me Elmos, Rock ’em Sock ’em Robots and Hungry Hungry Hippos.

But the Haltom kids are all grown now, and I haven’t set foot in Toys “R” Gonna Require You to Engage in Deficit Spending Like a Congressman in years.

Christmas has become a lot simpler for me now that my kids are grown. Instead of toys for Christmas my kids just want money, so I’ve become like George Bailey running a savings and loan in Bedford Falls, or rather Memphis, while Mr. Potter tries to shut me down.

I have yet to try to jump off a bridge or be visited by an angel, but I have quit spending money at Toys “R” Ridiculously Expensive and at These Prices They Should Assemble Themselves. I am particularly concerned that now that Toys “R” Bankrupt is in Chapter 11, it may be a big setback to my old business partner, Santa Claus. Unless there’s a Federal Government bailout for Toys “R” Gonna Be Much Easier to Buy Online, there may be a serious toy shortage this coming Christmas, and if that happens, G.I. Joe, Barbie, Ken and Chicken Dance Elmo may end up in the United States Bankruptcy Court as they will no longer be found in Toys “R” Gonna Go Out of Business.

I do not yet have any grandchildren, but I may go ahead this December and start purchasing and stockpiling toys for them, just to do my part in bailing out Toys “R” Gonna Go the Way of the Dinosaur, Specifically Rex in Toy Story.

So while there are only a few precious shopping days left during this sacred season of peace on earth, good will toward men, and batteries not included, I hope you will join me in visiting your neighborhood Toys “R” Being Taken Over by Bankruptcy Lawyers to purchase Buzz Lightyear, Sheriff Woody and Mr. Potato Head, and take them all home for Christmas.

In the words of that great entrepreneur Tiny Tim, God bless Toys “R” Being Restructured by Bankruptcy Lawyers, everyone!


Bill Haltom BILL HALTOM is a shareholder with the firm of Lewis Thomason. He is a past president of the Tennessee Bar Association and a past president of the Memphis Bar Association. Read his blog at www.billhaltom.com.

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